I can’t tell you the exact date I placed my trust in Jesus, because I don’t know. What I do know is when God made Himself known to me: early 2013. I was four days sober, and struggling with the urge to drink. At my weakest moment, I closed my eyes and said my first real prayer. It is still the most heartfelt prayer I’ve ever said.
“God, if you’re out there, please help me. I can’t do this alone. Just… please.”
Four and a half years later, I still have no words for what happened. All I know is that I no longer wanted to drink, and have never had the urge since. So what should I do now?
Luckily, I have a close friend who is a university professor of New Testament studies. I knew what he did, and that he had a PHD, but he had never pushed Jesus on me in the time I’d known him. But when I finally asked, he brought me to church.
On one of the first Sundays, we had a guest speaker from a university in California, and he introduced me to the world of Christian apologetics. Hello Jesus!
I’ll never forget the early joy of researching Jesus. His life, His death, and His resurrection. This stuff isn’t some made up story — it’s real!
From that time on, I was hooked. I got a great study Bible and devoured it. I read every Christian book I got my hands on, literally hundreds. I was in love with God, and I was going to be a “super-Christian.”
But somewhere along the way, something changed. I still loved God, still loved to read, but my motives shifted. I liked getting praised for all my knowledge of Scripture. I liked impressing people with how much I’d learned in a short time. I liked leading small groups in the church, and having people look to me for answers. I knew God must have been impressed with me. How could He not be, right?
In 2014, I was in a deep depression and falling apart inside. To the world, I was still the same guy. But I was a hollow shell. I hadn’t worked for two months, but I lied every day and said I was at work. I got to a point where I had to produce a paycheque.
And in a desperate moment, I wrote a note and robbed a bank.
That wasn’t very profitable, so I robbed two more over the next two weeks. I was arrested in early 2015, and I thought my life was over. And in a way, it was.
That evening, sitting in a room with a detective (who I later found out was a Christian), my old self died. But little did I know that a new life was beginning (Galations 2:20). That night I realized something: I knew the Bible, I’d read lots of books, and I knew what prominent authors had to say about Scripture. But I didn’t know God.
I don’t have enough paper to write every detail about my journey since then. I got hooked up with Crossnet Ministries in Calgary, and have been doing discipleship counselling ever since. I’ve come to know who God is in a whole new way, and I’ve come to know who I am in Christ.
I don’t spend every day desperately seeking approval, hoping that if I do enough, God will love me. I wake up knowing that I am loved, and I step forward from there. It’s a much better starting point. I could go on forever about all the blessings He has poured out on me.
So why do I want to be a mentor? I’ve felt God calling me for a while now, but never knew what direction to go. My pastor has always encouraged me to get into some sort of ministry, but I don’t feel like a pastoral role in a church is where He is leading me.
I got a lot of clarification in prison. I found a new heart for people. I found myself looking past the crimes people have committed, and seeing the incredible brokenness that leads to those kinds of lives. I feel called into some sort of prison ministry, and starting with Crossroads is taking a small step of faith in that direction.
I was actually just looking to send you a thank you email the day I saw the opportunity to become a mentor. I want prisoners to know that they are loved, no matter what. I want them to know that God loves them — not because they are good, but because He is good. And I want them to know the transforming power of the Holy Spirit in their lives.
In the darkest hours in prison, when they feel like you don’t have the strength to make it through, I want them to know that it’s okay. His strength is without end, and He wants us to lean on Him (2 Corinthians 1:8-10).